In some ways the above treats are reminiscent of a lot of gifts I’ve given my mother over the years on Mother’s Day.  I was always the kid in Sunday School who couldn’t get their Dixie cups packed with Marigold seeds to grow and I’d end up bringing home my mom a cup of dirt for Mother’s Day.

Teacher’s everywhere seem to think that plants are the way to go at this time of year, so in second grade, my teacher Mrs. Eastman, helped us take care of mini Spider Plants.  This time I thought I was home free.  My plant wasn’t growing from a seed, you simply placed your transplanted piece in the dirt, watered it, and kept your growing journal neat and tidy.  Well over the course of the lesson plan my plant got sicker and sicker until it resembled what I can only describe as burnt, limp, french fries.  To make matters worse, some punk in my class thought it would be cute to tie my sad little plant to another kid’s plant.  The next time my classmate went to collect his pot they both went tumbling to the ground.  I probably wanted to cry, or actually did cry.  I certainly hope the brat who committed “plant-icide” got his name on the board.  In a perfect world he would have been kept in for recess too which as I’m sure you’re all aware is the ultimate in childhood punishments.

These marshmallow treats complete with ragged edges and a slightly indecipherable shape are my virtual gift to my Mom today.  I hope that she appreciates the fact that I’m not actually going to make her eat them, and that she enjoys the real gifts that are currently hurtling their way to her in a big brown UPS truck.  I cross my heart and promise that the box does not contain a dead plant!

Happy Mother’s Day Wummy!  Thanks for always cleaning up after those crazy messes I made in the kitchen and for not yelling at me too much when I’d get into the spice cupboard and make “potions” with the oregano, mustard, and bouillon cubes.

Fruity Butterfly Treats (Based on the Fabulous Original Rice Krispie Treats recipe located at RiceKrispies.com)

3 tablespoons margarine or butter
1 (10 oz.) package regular marshmallows
6 cups Fruity Cheerios

Melt margarine in large saucepan over low heat. Add marshmallows and stir until completely melted. Remove from heat.  Add the Fruity Cheerios. Stir until coated.

Using a buttered spatula or waxed paper, press mixture onto a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Note: It wont fill the whole pan. I spread mine out to about half the width of the pan. Allow the gooey mess to cool completely.

Using a cookie cutter (Butterfly or otherwise) cut the mixture into shapes. Feed the leftover edges to a dog, your husband, or other boy/man in your life. Butterfly treats are for “Girl’s Only!”

“Little Erin” as CK likes to refer to my pouty, adolescent, pigtailed self had quite a few interesting snacking habits.  When I was a kid I liked to make sneaky things that I wasn’t supposed to be eating.  Especially if I could utilize the microwave in the process.  Some of my more famous concoctions included taking 8 Ritz crackers, folding 2 Kraft Singles into quarters, placing a piece of cheese on each cracker and then topping them with a green olive.  I’d finish this “delectable” snack off with 30 seconds in the microwave.   I proudly referred to this processed cheese invention as an hors d’œuvre.

Another favorite after school “treat” involved placing spoonfuls of peanut butter and Nestle’s Quik into a coffee cup and also microwaving it.  Then I’d stir the two together and pretend I was eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.  I assure you, peanut butter and powdered drink mix do not taste anything at all like a candy bar.  My mother and grandmother would get really annoyed at me when they discovered these chocolate encrusted cups in the sink.

I also liked to sit down in front of the TV with my school books and the one and only Mr. Maury Povich (pre paternity test days) while eating Cheerios dipped in Chocolate milk.  Are you beginning to see a pattern here?

Finally, a far less revolting item in my repertoire was the standby Ritz smothered in Marshmallow Fluff.   I vividly remember the first time I ever ate these sticky crackers.  I was watching the movie Lisa.  If you haven’t had the honor, it stars Staci Keenan (Dana from Step by Step) and Cheryl Ladd.  Staci portrays the precocious “Lisa” who has a penchant for making prank phone calls and being a great big, although quite creative, boy stalker …until she starts chatting up an honest to goodness serial killer.   It’s total camp.  You should rent it.  So the other day I picked up a $3 single sleeve of Ritz at the sketchy market on my street, popped open a plastic jar of fluff and had a little nostalgic sugar high for a few minutes.  It felt…good.  In an artificial sweetener kind of way.

Please feel free to share your bizarre childhood junk food memories in the comments.  I can’t possibly be the only weirdo who snuck things like the above and really loved having birthday parties filled with Cheddar Cheese Jax, Shark Attack Fruit Snacks, Mountain Dew (ick…I seriously just gagged a little) and Circus Peanuts.