Little Erin Eats (Junk)

Sugar, dah nah ne nuh ne nuh... Awe... Honey, Honey

“Little Erin” as CK likes to refer to my pouty, adolescent, pigtailed self had quite a few interesting snacking habits.  When I was a kid I liked to make sneaky things that I wasn’t supposed to be eating.  Especially if I could utilize the microwave in the process.  Some of my more famous concoctions included taking 8 Ritz crackers, folding 2 Kraft Singles into quarters, placing a piece of cheese on each cracker and then topping them with a green olive.  I’d finish this “delectable” snack off with 30 seconds in the microwave.   I proudly referred to this processed cheese invention as an hors d’œuvre.

Another favorite after school “treat” involved placing spoonfuls of peanut butter and Nestle’s Quik into a coffee cup and also microwaving it.  Then I’d stir the two together and pretend I was eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.  I assure you, peanut butter and powdered drink mix do not taste anything at all like a candy bar.  My mother and grandmother would get really annoyed at me when they discovered these chocolate encrusted cups in the sink.

I also liked to sit down in front of the TV with my school books and the one and only Mr. Maury Povich (pre paternity test days) while eating Cheerios dipped in Chocolate milk.  Are you beginning to see a pattern here?

Finally, a far less revolting item in my repertoire was the standby Ritz smothered in Marshmallow Fluff.   I vividly remember the first time I ever ate these sticky crackers.  I was watching the movie Lisa.  If you haven’t had the honor, it stars Staci Keenan (Dana from Step by Step) and Cheryl Ladd.  Staci portrays the precocious “Lisa” who has a penchant for making prank phone calls and being a great big, although quite creative, boy stalker …until she starts chatting up an honest to goodness serial killer.   It’s total camp.  You should rent it.  So the other day I picked up a $3 single sleeve of Ritz at the sketchy market on my street, popped open a plastic jar of fluff and had a little nostalgic sugar high for a few minutes.  It felt…good.  In an artificial sweetener kind of way.

Please feel free to share your bizarre childhood junk food memories in the comments.  I can’t possibly be the only weirdo who snuck things like the above and really loved having birthday parties filled with Cheddar Cheese Jax, Shark Attack Fruit Snacks, Mountain Dew (ick…I seriously just gagged a little) and Circus Peanuts.